Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sundays

Sundays are great. y? bc people are fucking lazy. i mean this in the broadest sense possible. how many times have you heard or said to someone: "it would be great if you could get this to me by [xxx] morning." what exactly is meant or do you mean by (let's say [xxx] is monday for now) monday morning? well every single fucking time i've said it or had it said to me, whether it's a client or someone riding my ass or my giving shit to some poor fuck, it's never monday morning. in fact, it's barely 'morning'. we get in at 10, best. we checka z email. we get coffee. we go chat up our neighbors.  we read the news.  we buy low, sell high, or sometimes buy high, and get fucking scared and sell low and curse ourselves for listenign to our pompous megalomaniac trader friends who think they rule the world but should probably just be in prison. if we actually ahve work, we'll be doing it, rather than thinking about work that has since come back to us. it's the idea of pushing shit off your plate....onto someone else's. the whole idea of delegation is that you pass it off to someone else so you don't need to deal with that shit. so why would anyone want to look at something that you've already dished off? if u really aren't busy though, you may look at it, but then there's no rush. and if you're a client, you've probably got more shit to worry about than your lawyers documents which are always 20% later than promised and of which you only read 20%. if that. so the overarching principle here is that, u can work ur butt off to get something out to the other person by monday morning by sending it to them at 1AM the night before, but in most cases, it just makes you look like a gunner. and in the best case scenario, the person ur giving it to (if it's somene like me) wd just mutter, 'u fucking gunner'. or int he worst case scenario, the person ur giving it to (if it's a bitch) will be spurred on by ur gunnerness or already is a gunner and will just assume that ull do anything for them and give u more shit to lick of their ass.

<now, one caveat before i go on: sometims u finish shit early and want to delay sending ur stuff out to give u more time, and to give people the impression that u r working hard. i think there is a distinction between someone who is obviously trying to hard, and someone who is just busy and has to get shit done because of deadline. the difference is in the elicited response, or the desired elicited response. u want to avoid the exemplar replies i just gave, and if plausible, get someone to think, 'oh man, this guy is getting worked, let's try and give em a break'. got it? i guess in practcie u need to gauge ur situations and coutnerparties carefully, but for starters, instead of sending shit out at 1AM, try 5AM (on autosend). instead of bending over when people give u arbitrary deadlines, try flipping them the bird (in ur head or behind their back) and practicing ur negotiations by negotiating a better deal for u - based on logic>

anyway, the point is, sundays are great because u dont start in the office, u start at home. u dont wake up at 9 AM, u wake up whenever the fuck u want. u don't have to wear a shirt and pants, u wear a smile and a sombrero. u dont have to pretend ur running to the bathroom or a meeting when ur phone rings, u just throw that shit on the ground. and u dont have to worry abotu that fucking monday morning deadline, just do enough so that u can finish whatever u need to do in the 1.5 hours of work u get done before lunch on Monday (or 2.5 if u work thru 'lunch'). and who knows, maybe ull get a message that says "oh wait, nm we don't need that that soon because [the market has tanked and we're all goign to shoot ourselves][last minute meeting and mr. x isn't going to be able to look at it until that night][bitch is lazy and deosn't want to read that anyway]. we've been there, i've said it too. but what i've also said, and what i think people appreciate - given the spirit of the priniple of delegation - is that its preferable ot have the person take their time, and do a good job, then rush shit out, and take no ownership, responsiblity and thus no accoutnability for thier stinky doodoo. So if you are ever get called out on a deadline liek this - just say, u want more time to work and give something good, otw ur shit will be stinky (works real well with cleitns). and then they get to choose, stinky shit, or good shit, and it's informed consent. which means i think legally they can't bitch at u. trust me im a lawyer.

and u dont have to tell em its cuz u wanted ur fucking lazy sunday!

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