Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Becoming the Indispensable Cog Pt. 1

 Hi, Everybody!



Sorry it has been a while.  I've had some non-work things on my plate, but that wouldn't stop our four-fingered friend here from four-fingering his way through upstairs medical college and into your triple bypass surgery, so should it not stop CML from fingering these fings down.

And, on that note, let me begin today a series of meandering thoughts I have, as extruded through my fings direct to you, about how to become a good, nay, a great corporate monkey lawyer, through the path of least resistance.  I know many of my posts, okay maybe a majority...or let's just say plenty -- plenty of my posts promote the plethora of ways to circumnavigate or rather circumvent being or having to do anything with any of "corporate", "monkey" or "lawyer", except with respect to "monkey" only, if you are figuring out how to make your firm more like a bonobo commune.  But, don't misunderstand me, my point is not to encourage the ingratiation of your monkey cage to you, but to offer some tips on how to turn that cage into your miniature palace for as long as you intend to milk it.  I mean, not to lose sight of the forest from the trees here, but for all the monkeying with the blackberry, ditching work, making yourself look busy, etc., you still have a "job" to do, and if you can appear to do it well - or at least better than most others around you, people will like you, think of you highly and want to keep you around.  This has one large benefit -- leverage -- that manifests in two ways: (1) leverage in the long-term in giving you some job security - I personally mean this in the positive sense, i.e., the apes above you think you are good so see "potential" and want to propel you into their ilk - I don't worry so much about job security in our industry unless you chose a really unleveraged firm - but if you were to worry about that sort of stuff, this is a pro, and (2) leverage in the short-term in terms of people catering to you the type of work you want, honoring your stupid requests and putting up with your daytime disappearing acts.  I'll write more specifically about how I think this can all pan out in a later post, but i think the idea is more or less, to apply yourself.  And what i'm saying is, you don't have to apply yourself to being a super lawyer to be a super lawyer (you could if you wanted to, but i think it's not a very practical skill - lawyering that is), you just need to apply yourself to figuring out ways to make it seem like you are a super lawyer.  If you have decent intelligence and common sense, being a good lawyer is almost as easy as planning a surprise birthday party for your blind dog, and a fuckload easier than planning a wedding, dancing with the stars or being a masterchef.  And you can use your spare time to also apply yourself in other ways - being entrepreneurial, fine-tuning your golf game, figuring out how to shortcut the other aspects of your life. 

Anyway, whether or not this point is clear, it's time to get to today's meandering thought - which I dub the "Dr. Nick" lesson.  The Dr. Nick lesson is simple: if Dr. Nick can do it, so can fucking you. Seriously, the dude went to upstairs medical college and despite any other adversities he may have had, he has been pretty successful - as far as i can tell being one of two premier doctors in the whole town of Springfield - getting there with a bit of ingenuity, hard work at applying himself, common sense and some luck. In his job, lives are at stake, and in our job, nothing is at stake.  So, the next time you are given something that seems impossibly long, stupid, difficult(?), annoying, stinky or offensive, just think, if Dr. Nick can get through it (and scores of other CMLs who have shat in that cage before you) so can you, and you can challenge yourself to figure out a way to do it even faster or better and without even really doing it, and as your reward, your primate bosses will praise you with intimations that you should join their ranks in the future which you can promptly shove back down their intestines with joy and relishing.